Nothing Like Us
by nicekittyrawr
Summary: Completely AU. There's nothing like us, There's nothing like you and me. - "Nothing Like Us" The Biebs


For several days I've been getting this Justin Bieber song on my mp3 player. Like, it's stalking me or something. Apparently there was a reason for that. I needed to write.

This is entirely unbeta'd. WolfH00r read the bulk of it but made no changes. Since I'm impatient I'm posting now instead of waiting for a beta. As always, most everything on this account is rough and unpolished.

-0-

It's been a month.

A month since I heard her voice. Touched her face. Felt her body curled next to mine.

A month since I looked into her eyes and told her I'd fallen for someone else. I'd been so lost in confusion. Everything I thought I had been feeling for Tanya was an illusion.

A month since I saw my Bella look so defeated. Torn apart. _I_ did that to her. As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them. I knew. I knew I'd decimated the very thing that gave me life. I will never be able to replace her. I can't imagine anyone ever filling that hole in my heart. It's in the shape of a brown eyed brunette girl.

She doesn't know that I saw her last night. Emmett told me where she and Rose were heading. There was a smile on Bella's face. A smile I know was fake. It didn't shine in her eyes. I always loved when she smiled at me and it reached that part of her. Eyes so full of innocence and love. Nothing hidden there. It amazed me every day when I looked at her, that one girl could be so sweet and trusting. How did she ever love me the way she did? How did I ever deserve her? How could I have given all of that away?

As I watched her from across the room it hit me in the gut. I've missed her so much. I made so many mistakes. I'd hurt her, so much that she'd shut down emotionally. I could see it. I'd never felt so heartbroken before, seeing her like this. Knowing that it was because of something I'd done with little to no regards to her feelings.

She had a drink in her hand. My girl rarely drank, letting me know that she was definitely not here because she wanted to be. Though she was with friends I could tell it was the last place she wanted to be. A movie at home, on the couch was much more 'her'. Is she drinking pain away? Probably. That's pain that I caused, that I can never make go away. And recently, I'd been doing the same thing. Just to get a little numb every night. I hate myself, knowing she was resorting to this to keep going, keep moving.

How could I have done that to her? To us. Nothing had ever made me feel like she did. I'd never experienced anything like what we had. I probably never will again. Nothing or noone will ever replace her. She gave me everything and I did nothing to ensure I kept her heart safe. I'd taken the love she handed me so sweetly and I'd destroyed it. And for what? Something that was so fleeting. It wasn't worth losing her over. Nothing would ever be worth that.

The smell of her hair. Her arms around my neck. Her lips on mine. The way she would laugh at my silly jokes. Her random texts. The way she would hold my hand, her thumb moving back and forth across the back of it. The little voice she used to talk to her cat. A million hair tie things tossed around my apartment because I always pulled her hair down when she was there. I miss the way she would talk about us, a blush on her face.

She had been with me through so much. Stood by me. But what had I offered her, other than tears?

I flipped my phone around and around in my hand, wondering what she would do if I called her. What would she say? Would she be the same girl that I'd loved? God, I had loved her, though I never had the nerve to say it. It was there. Another thing I'll always regret. If I could do it all over again, I would tell her everything. Instead, I pushed her away, even lied to myself that we'd be friends after I broke her heart.

I made a huge mistake. Tanya was- she isn't Bella. I got caught up in the extra attention she was providing. I'm ashamed that I let myself be led around by feelings that weren't even real. By my dick. I couldn't see straight. It was like a bad case of tunnel vision that only cleared when I realized I'd lost the one person I could depend on. The person that has been there for me through every single up and down in my life. My parents divorce, Alice's accident, med school. I'd lost all of that and it was my fault. I fucked up and I've never been more sorry in my life. If my sister were still here she would have killed me for doing this to her best friend.

Before I can stop myself I open our text message thread. Bella's last message to me was "I hope she makes you happy." I hadn't even had the balls to reply to her; even with knowing what it must have done to her to type those words. How could she be so damn selfless when I was being the most selfish person on earth? I don't know how it's possible that she loved me. I didn't deserve her. I still don't deserve her.

I start typing, my fingers sliding over those damn tiny iPhone letters.

_There's nothing like you, for me. It wasn't worth losing you over. I'm so sorry. I love you. _

Pacing my living room I wander into my bedroom, over to the nightstand where I'd thrown everything that reminded me of Bella. A necklace I'd bought last Christmas, a photo of her with her best friend, a scarf. The latter still smelled of her sweet scent. I clutched it in one hand, my phone in the other, hoping that she would reply. If Bella were smart, she would delete it and ignore me. It would be less than what I deserve.

But I wait. Sitting on the edge of my bed, hoping, silently pleading for something. More pacing around my apartment followed by a lot of nothing from my phone. Had I waited too long?

Thirty minutes.

One hour.

Nothing.

A string of words starts drifting through my head. _Please please please._ I've never been so desperate to hear that little chime my phone makes when I receive a new message.

One hour, thirty minutes.

Two hours.

Falling back on my bed I rest the phone on my chest. It's nearly midnight but I still hope that she gives me something. Anything.

But she doesn't.

Three hours.

I'm just staring at the clock now.

Four hours. Silence.

How did we get to this place? How did I let that happen without_ thinking_ first?

Five hours.

I picture her at home. Curled up in her bed. Is she sleeping, or awake and struggling? Fighting with herself, afraid of being hurt again. She has no reason at all to trust me; not ever. I've never prayed harder to be given a second chance.

Another hour passes. And another. I fight to keep my eyes open as I'm now looking at a photo of the two of us. A candid that my mother snapped. I'd been laughing into the camera but Bella was the focus. She had a halo of sunlight around her head. Her face in profile and a gentle smile on her lips. This was how she always looked at me. If she'd been looking into the camera her eyes would have been full of love; all for me. I'd taken all of that for granted. Assumed she'd always be there, even when I'd convinced myself I was moving on.

Birds begin to chirp outside and I realize I've stayed up all night, waiting. How many nights had Bella done the same? She'd probably lost countless hours of sleep. I don't know how I did this to her. To us.

Still, she doesn't reply. Not that I can blame her. Though, I would give anything to- make it all go away, to turn back time. I rub the base of my palm into my chest, over my heart. There's a ghost of an ache there that has been getting stronger for days. It's almost unbearable now. This telling silence making it worse. It's ironic that I made her suffer for reasons that even I can't understand now. It's my turn to ache, to burn, to miss her beyond description. I've never regretted anything more in my entire life.

Holding my phone in front of my face I stare at it, fingertips moving over the screen. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, hoping for some sort of...something.

_You know, there's no one but you._


End file.
